Here's the nutshell from those stories:
When my wife was having kids, it would take her nine months to get really swelled up in the belly. She couldn't reasonably expect to get her figure back in month or two. She did her old figure back, but it took a while.
There is no magic bullet. Nobody can jump start the economy. For years consumers took on too much debt and homebuilders constructed to many houses, facilitated by misguided government policy and clueless investment banks and investors. We have not yet worked off the excess debt, nor the excess housing supply. The economy won't get back to normal until that's done.